I am going to tell a story. This is not about me and my husband. Somebody told this to me anonymously...I promise.
So. About 5 months after this girl gave birth, she was about to get it on with her husband. This girl stopped taking the mini pill because quite frankly she was sick of anything hormonal and Walgreens was always out of it anyway.
Leading up to the big moment, this girl asked her husband to use a condom. The silly guy had the audacity to say that using a condom would be "uncomfortable" for him.
Uncomfortable.
Let me define uncomfortable: 10 weeks of feeling exhausted and puking on a daily basis, gaining 29 pounders over the course of 6 months, back pain, pelvic pain, hormonal headaches, eczema on the legs (weird, I know), boobie pain, swollen limbs, clothes not fitting, labor, delivery, night sweats, traumatic nipples, need I go on?
So, in lieu of you feeling uncomfortable for a portion of one night, you would rather me feel uncomfortable for about a year?
Guess who won that little discussion?
He is a great man though and didn't mean a darn thing by his cute little comment. Also, despite all the complaints about pregnancy, this girl would totally do it a million times for her little munchkin-I'm assuming. I wouldn't know because I'm not her...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Singlehood
Singlehood. It is an interesting state of being. I have a love-hate relationship with it most of the time. This week, mostly hate. It gets harder the older I get.
For one thing, I often think about independence. I have always wanted independence, always fought fiercely for it, and resented those who tried to take it away. Hence my unique postion today; I am living in Austin, going to graduate school, and working at a job I love. All should be great, right? Well, funny it does not always work out that way. I struggle to feel attached. Attached to something here, right now in my life. I think of it like a tetherball. The ball is always attached to the pole, which is firmly in the ground. The ball can fly all over the place, but not too far, and always comes back to its pole. Most people are the ball, and their families the pole. Makes total sense. You go out into the world, explore a bit, but then return if not geographically at least emotionally.
I feel a little different. I think my string broke about 4 years ago. I also think I was the one to cut the cord. I did not realize I was doing it at the time, but I remember when it happened. Now I feel like a ball floating out in space subject to the tides around it. It is a strange feeling that if I disappeared tomorrow, and moved somewhere that none of the people here I associate with in 6 months would notice. I mean I have lived here for 4 years, and have no human connections to show for it. Actually, less probably.
That is part of the challenge of being single right now. I feel, even though cognitively I know it is warped, that if I am in an intimate relationship, that person is close to me. We have an extra special kind of bond that cannot come from a friendship. So, it is like at least temporarily I am not floating around all alone, I have tied to someone else floating around and thus we float together. It makes it a bit easier to tolerate the tides going this way and that. Being single, I have no such companionship. Now I know this is warped because I am independent right?? I mean being independent means you do things on your own. It is not as fun as I once thought it would be. It is not the characteristic of someone independent to want that connection so much. But the other side of that argument, my heart says, it is perfectly normal for humans to want other, intimate, human connection. Then my head corners, you should also be ok being on your own. It is an argument I have not won or lost yet. Some days I feel totally cool, comfortable, and confident in my singlehood, and others I just feel lost.
Now, in the words of one of my favorite clients: “God gives you what you need, not what you want, or think you need.” There is a big difference between needs and wants, and sometimes it is easy to confuse the two. But given my limited perspective, and God’s big picture point of view, I can trust that when I am ready, really ready, not just wanting it, whatever is supposed to happen to me will happen, no matter what choices or bad decisions I make, or maybe in spite of them.
For one thing, I often think about independence. I have always wanted independence, always fought fiercely for it, and resented those who tried to take it away. Hence my unique postion today; I am living in Austin, going to graduate school, and working at a job I love. All should be great, right? Well, funny it does not always work out that way. I struggle to feel attached. Attached to something here, right now in my life. I think of it like a tetherball. The ball is always attached to the pole, which is firmly in the ground. The ball can fly all over the place, but not too far, and always comes back to its pole. Most people are the ball, and their families the pole. Makes total sense. You go out into the world, explore a bit, but then return if not geographically at least emotionally.
I feel a little different. I think my string broke about 4 years ago. I also think I was the one to cut the cord. I did not realize I was doing it at the time, but I remember when it happened. Now I feel like a ball floating out in space subject to the tides around it. It is a strange feeling that if I disappeared tomorrow, and moved somewhere that none of the people here I associate with in 6 months would notice. I mean I have lived here for 4 years, and have no human connections to show for it. Actually, less probably.
That is part of the challenge of being single right now. I feel, even though cognitively I know it is warped, that if I am in an intimate relationship, that person is close to me. We have an extra special kind of bond that cannot come from a friendship. So, it is like at least temporarily I am not floating around all alone, I have tied to someone else floating around and thus we float together. It makes it a bit easier to tolerate the tides going this way and that. Being single, I have no such companionship. Now I know this is warped because I am independent right?? I mean being independent means you do things on your own. It is not as fun as I once thought it would be. It is not the characteristic of someone independent to want that connection so much. But the other side of that argument, my heart says, it is perfectly normal for humans to want other, intimate, human connection. Then my head corners, you should also be ok being on your own. It is an argument I have not won or lost yet. Some days I feel totally cool, comfortable, and confident in my singlehood, and others I just feel lost.
Now, in the words of one of my favorite clients: “God gives you what you need, not what you want, or think you need.” There is a big difference between needs and wants, and sometimes it is easy to confuse the two. But given my limited perspective, and God’s big picture point of view, I can trust that when I am ready, really ready, not just wanting it, whatever is supposed to happen to me will happen, no matter what choices or bad decisions I make, or maybe in spite of them.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Broccoli Defense
So first I want to recount a funny conversation I had with my friend Jennifer. She IM'ed me the other day and it went something like this:
Jenn: So, you went to New York how was it? And what is the RACK?
Me: Oh yeah New York was awesome! And the RACK, well it's a long story, but it is a group of girls I have been friends with for a long time.
Jenn: Oh! I thought it was some cool new New York thing I didn't know about.
Me: Thinking: haha, we are a cool new New York thing...if only she really understood the RACK.....) Said: Yeah we had a great time though!
OK back on topic though. I really wanted to write a little note further explaining the broccoli comment (please reference the A's article "Quotetastic"). First of all I have always been the more "voluptuous" member of the RACK, and I am ok with that. Anne was totally right that the word broccoli didn't mean much to me until about August 2007. You see what happened was, I went to the doctor for an annual check up and she's like, hey let's check your cholesterol. And I'm all ok. Flash forward 2 weeks, I get the fatal phone call with my results. Turns out even at age 24 you can still have "very high" cholesterol. Not high, oh no friends, I surpassed the high category and went straight for the good stuff. There might have been a small freak out, including tears at work (ask my colleague/friend Lisa). Because of my mom and her history of weight related health issues, I took this super seriously.
Then, I started graduate school. Extra stress added to my life made changing my eating very difficult. Then 2 weeks after that, my mom had what we euphemistically call "an episode." Basically, she lost it, lost touch with reality. It was basically every child's nightmare. I live 3 hours away, what the crap am I supposed to do to help? I spent many many many hours on the phone with various family members at all hours of the day and night for over a week. It was rough to say the least. Eating better kind of got lost in the shuffle.
Then about a month later I flew to see the RAK in Memphis. Next to those girls wow I looked like a porker! So freaked a little more, and proceeded to ask many many questions about dieting, eating right, etc. I had this great plan, when I get home I will go to the grocery store, and that will be it. No red meat, lots of fish, lots of veggies, no French fries, etc. I was ready to go! Totally on the new healthy eating bandwagon!
However, life had other plans. When I got home, back to the routine, graduate school, live-in boyfriend, dealing with the aftermath of mom's stuff, it was just too much! Something had to give, so because of a pair of underwear left on the bathroom floor for a week it was decided the boyfriend had to go. I didn't really consciously make this decision, I just kind of freaked because of the underwear, and decided I didn't really want to be with him. Really, not because of the underwear, we weren't really great together anyways. But alas, we broke up. And we had 8 more months on our lease. Fun times! I got a bed, and we rearranged our 2 bedroom apartment to 2 real bedrooms with each having our own space. Sounds crazy right, living with an ex-boyfriend for 8 whole months! Well, it wasn't really that bad. We made it. Less fighting than when we were together, and a little more peaceful.
Shortly after the breakup however, I did get on track and started eating right. Lots of veggies, salmon, yogurt, etc. and NO red meat. (that’s hamburgers too)
And for my birthday I bought myself yoga classes! Let me tell you, I believe yoga got me through that still not so easy time. Yoga was 75 minutes away from the apartment 3 times a week, yoga was 75 minutes of no phone calls from family, yoga was my 75 minutes 3 times a week of pure, unadulterated Rachel time! It was fan-freaking-tastic!!!
Then before I knew it, I was ordering a bridesmaid dress 3 sizes smaller than I was 4 months earlier! And in August when I went for my annual check up, yes friends you guessed it, 30 pounds lighter! That might not seem like much, but let me tell you that I went slowly, and didn’t try to force anything and incorporated new things into my daily routine. Now, I am still doing it and it doesn’t seem like dieting, or I have to work out, or anything. It is just what I do. Like breathing. Yoga and no fast food and veggies are just a part of my life now. That’s new.
So, to make a short story long, that is why “I eat the shit out of broccoli!!"
Jenn: So, you went to New York how was it? And what is the RACK?
Me: Oh yeah New York was awesome! And the RACK, well it's a long story, but it is a group of girls I have been friends with for a long time.
Jenn: Oh! I thought it was some cool new New York thing I didn't know about.
Me: Thinking: haha, we are a cool new New York thing...if only she really understood the RACK.....) Said: Yeah we had a great time though!
OK back on topic though. I really wanted to write a little note further explaining the broccoli comment (please reference the A's article "Quotetastic"). First of all I have always been the more "voluptuous" member of the RACK, and I am ok with that. Anne was totally right that the word broccoli didn't mean much to me until about August 2007. You see what happened was, I went to the doctor for an annual check up and she's like, hey let's check your cholesterol. And I'm all ok. Flash forward 2 weeks, I get the fatal phone call with my results. Turns out even at age 24 you can still have "very high" cholesterol. Not high, oh no friends, I surpassed the high category and went straight for the good stuff. There might have been a small freak out, including tears at work (ask my colleague/friend Lisa). Because of my mom and her history of weight related health issues, I took this super seriously.
Then, I started graduate school. Extra stress added to my life made changing my eating very difficult. Then 2 weeks after that, my mom had what we euphemistically call "an episode." Basically, she lost it, lost touch with reality. It was basically every child's nightmare. I live 3 hours away, what the crap am I supposed to do to help? I spent many many many hours on the phone with various family members at all hours of the day and night for over a week. It was rough to say the least. Eating better kind of got lost in the shuffle.
Then about a month later I flew to see the RAK in Memphis. Next to those girls wow I looked like a porker! So freaked a little more, and proceeded to ask many many questions about dieting, eating right, etc. I had this great plan, when I get home I will go to the grocery store, and that will be it. No red meat, lots of fish, lots of veggies, no French fries, etc. I was ready to go! Totally on the new healthy eating bandwagon!
However, life had other plans. When I got home, back to the routine, graduate school, live-in boyfriend, dealing with the aftermath of mom's stuff, it was just too much! Something had to give, so because of a pair of underwear left on the bathroom floor for a week it was decided the boyfriend had to go. I didn't really consciously make this decision, I just kind of freaked because of the underwear, and decided I didn't really want to be with him. Really, not because of the underwear, we weren't really great together anyways. But alas, we broke up. And we had 8 more months on our lease. Fun times! I got a bed, and we rearranged our 2 bedroom apartment to 2 real bedrooms with each having our own space. Sounds crazy right, living with an ex-boyfriend for 8 whole months! Well, it wasn't really that bad. We made it. Less fighting than when we were together, and a little more peaceful.
Shortly after the breakup however, I did get on track and started eating right. Lots of veggies, salmon, yogurt, etc. and NO red meat. (that’s hamburgers too)
And for my birthday I bought myself yoga classes! Let me tell you, I believe yoga got me through that still not so easy time. Yoga was 75 minutes away from the apartment 3 times a week, yoga was 75 minutes of no phone calls from family, yoga was my 75 minutes 3 times a week of pure, unadulterated Rachel time! It was fan-freaking-tastic!!!
Then before I knew it, I was ordering a bridesmaid dress 3 sizes smaller than I was 4 months earlier! And in August when I went for my annual check up, yes friends you guessed it, 30 pounds lighter! That might not seem like much, but let me tell you that I went slowly, and didn’t try to force anything and incorporated new things into my daily routine. Now, I am still doing it and it doesn’t seem like dieting, or I have to work out, or anything. It is just what I do. Like breathing. Yoga and no fast food and veggies are just a part of my life now. That’s new.
So, to make a short story long, that is why “I eat the shit out of broccoli!!"
Thursday, January 15, 2009
6 years....not much has changed
That is kind of misleading. A lot has changed actually but all in good ways!
That being said, we will always be the RACK. RACKtastic. We do RACKreational activities. Some may call us RACKaholics.
Not really sure where I'm going here. Basically I just wanted to post a pic from our semester in Italy and one we took this past weekend. They make me smile! The main difference lies within the amount of wine consumed or lack thereof and the fact that in Italy we had just stolen exit signs. We were a little clefto in Italia...boh!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Quotastic!!
So anyone who might not intimately know the "A" of the RACK ... here's a free sneak preview for you ... I love quotes. Movie quotes happen to be a favorite ... but I also appreciate random, funny quotes friends and family unwittingly say. Another fact you might not know is that I just spend a fabulously wonderful long weekend in NYC with my best friends (and co-authors of this lovely blog). So as a tribute to them, quotes and funny random moments, I bring you my favs from this past weekend:
1) "I eat the sh*t out of that broccoli." -Rachelle referring to broccoli that comes in steam bags with olive oil and spices. Funny for two reasons: 1) Anyone who knows Rachelle, knows that 5 years ago broccoli wasn't even in her vocabulary. 2) Who says that in reference to broccoli?
2) "It's like Sex in the City ... without any sex." -Katacomb during our lunch at a totally hip, NYC restaurant ... great except this was a girls only weekend (minus the Griff-meister, of course) and thus by definition none of our boys were allowed.
3) Griffin's first experience with the RACK. Okay, so this one needs an explanation. Whenever the four of us get together, we ritualistically go berserk at the airport. We run to meet each other, jump up and down and hug each other ... first as a group, and then individually. Katacomb and Griffin just happened to be the last to arrive, so when the RAC_ spotted them, we took off running and starting jumping and hugging with no attention to the 4 month old baby being smothered by our antics. When we finally came up for air, we spotted the little guy and he was smiling and laughing right along with us. We knew right then that this was truly and genuinely a petite RACKer and not a love child switched a birth. It was love at first sight.
4) The Skype "interview" with Rybear. When Carebear first mentioned 2 1/2 years ago that she was considering moving to Singapore with a guy she had only been dating for a few months, the RA_K was selfishly skeptical (mostly because we didn't want to lose our C). But she made the move for her love and has been there now for over 2 years and been very happy. However, the distance has prevented us from officially meeting Ryan, the newest addition to our Boy RA_K (as you know from the previous blog, we are just waiting for the Boy C ... ah hem ... Rachelle :) So over our holiday weekend, Carebear instigated a Skype conversation with Ryan where we got to meet him and ask him questions. Funny for many reasons: 1) Ryan was introduced to the RACK Buffer, which consists of a special force that exists when all four of us our together that repels all other conversations and people who might try and join into our conversation. We become totally oblivous to the fact that we only talk and laugh amongst ourselves and anyone else in proximity ceases to exist (good thing Ryan is getting introduced to this early .. so it's not a surprise like it was for our two boy husbands ... the Boy A and the Boy K ... who only found out about it after getting engaged/married to us :) 2) Ryan was totally cute and played along with us by improving the astetics of his computer area with a Christmas tree, santa hat, and buddha statue.
There were many more funny moments of pregnancy farts (blame it on the baby in the belly!), Bananagrams, chips and salsa, movies ....... but I can't give away ALL of our secrets ;)
1) "I eat the sh*t out of that broccoli." -Rachelle referring to broccoli that comes in steam bags with olive oil and spices. Funny for two reasons: 1) Anyone who knows Rachelle, knows that 5 years ago broccoli wasn't even in her vocabulary. 2) Who says that in reference to broccoli?
2) "It's like Sex in the City ... without any sex." -Katacomb during our lunch at a totally hip, NYC restaurant ... great except this was a girls only weekend (minus the Griff-meister, of course) and thus by definition none of our boys were allowed.
3) Griffin's first experience with the RACK. Okay, so this one needs an explanation. Whenever the four of us get together, we ritualistically go berserk at the airport. We run to meet each other, jump up and down and hug each other ... first as a group, and then individually. Katacomb and Griffin just happened to be the last to arrive, so when the RAC_ spotted them, we took off running and starting jumping and hugging with no attention to the 4 month old baby being smothered by our antics. When we finally came up for air, we spotted the little guy and he was smiling and laughing right along with us. We knew right then that this was truly and genuinely a petite RACKer and not a love child switched a birth. It was love at first sight.
4) The Skype "interview" with Rybear. When Carebear first mentioned 2 1/2 years ago that she was considering moving to Singapore with a guy she had only been dating for a few months, the RA_K was selfishly skeptical (mostly because we didn't want to lose our C). But she made the move for her love and has been there now for over 2 years and been very happy. However, the distance has prevented us from officially meeting Ryan, the newest addition to our Boy RA_K (as you know from the previous blog, we are just waiting for the Boy C ... ah hem ... Rachelle :) So over our holiday weekend, Carebear instigated a Skype conversation with Ryan where we got to meet him and ask him questions. Funny for many reasons: 1) Ryan was introduced to the RACK Buffer, which consists of a special force that exists when all four of us our together that repels all other conversations and people who might try and join into our conversation. We become totally oblivous to the fact that we only talk and laugh amongst ourselves and anyone else in proximity ceases to exist (good thing Ryan is getting introduced to this early .. so it's not a surprise like it was for our two boy husbands ... the Boy A and the Boy K ... who only found out about it after getting engaged/married to us :) 2) Ryan was totally cute and played along with us by improving the astetics of his computer area with a Christmas tree, santa hat, and buddha statue.
There were many more funny moments of pregnancy farts (blame it on the baby in the belly!), Bananagrams, chips and salsa, movies ....... but I can't give away ALL of our secrets ;)
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Origins of a RACK
Between The R.A.C.K. I bet you are wondering what that means. Well, I will just tell you.
See it all started in 2003. Four girls from Texas, Kansas, New York, and Tennessee decided to go live in Rome, to "study abroad" of course. These girls coming from different regions, did not have a name such as, "The California Boys", or "The Sienna Kids." This sparked a little jealousy. I mean we are an entity all our own. When three of us were walking down a lonely road in Fundi it was decided there should be a name. So, putting our heads together, we came up with the RACK. See, Rachel, Anne, Carrie, Kat. It makes so much sense! And thus the RACK was born!
Since that day, it has been discovered how much fun one can have with the word RACK. First, there was the RACK's RACK. That was the day we took a topless picture on a non-topless beach in Sardinia. Then we got creative with other friends, such as The CRACK (add Crystal or Charlotte). The G'RACK (adding Griffin). Now, there is almost a boy RACK. This is the husbands, also known as Ryan (well almost a husband), Andrew, and Kirk. The C boy is dependent me. No pressure or anything.
This is the much abbreviated story of the RACK.
See it all started in 2003. Four girls from Texas, Kansas, New York, and Tennessee decided to go live in Rome, to "study abroad" of course. These girls coming from different regions, did not have a name such as, "The California Boys", or "The Sienna Kids." This sparked a little jealousy. I mean we are an entity all our own. When three of us were walking down a lonely road in Fundi it was decided there should be a name. So, putting our heads together, we came up with the RACK. See, Rachel, Anne, Carrie, Kat. It makes so much sense! And thus the RACK was born!
Since that day, it has been discovered how much fun one can have with the word RACK. First, there was the RACK's RACK. That was the day we took a topless picture on a non-topless beach in Sardinia. Then we got creative with other friends, such as The CRACK (add Crystal or Charlotte). The G'RACK (adding Griffin). Now, there is almost a boy RACK. This is the husbands, also known as Ryan (well almost a husband), Andrew, and Kirk. The C boy is dependent me. No pressure or anything.
This is the much abbreviated story of the RACK.
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